I don’t like casually hooking up. It makes me nervous, edgy and neurotic. I can’t believe it took me two months and drunken breakdown in my office building at 5 AM to figure that out, but c’est la vie.
I may not want to be in a relationship right now, but I value love more than the dopamine high that comes from being intimate with someone that you don’t necessarily love and will never love.
I’m emotionally distant from almost everything I do - it takes me days/weeks/months something to process and figure out how I feel. I think about the pros and cons of everything I do, but I almost never jump into something because of how I feel. When I did that, I almost ruined a friendship that I hold dear to me and left open a great potential for hurting him - and I don’t like that I did that.
“You’re ridiculous man… You really are your own worst enemy.” I know this is true, and I can’t help but think that if I don’t push myself to improve then I will stagnate. I may not make the best decisions or do the best thing in every circumstance, but at least I’m learning and living.
I have no regrets - but I’ve certainly opened up my eyes to a world that I don’t want to or can’t be a part of… It’s just not me.
I am finally at a really content stage in my life - I’ve been warring with myself for 2 months about some things… and now I think I’m finally settled. Nothing has to be so hard - and I’ve learned that if it’s stressing me out, then that probably means that I don’t feel right about what I’m doing and I probably shouldn’t be doing it. At least I’m learning to interpret my emotions now.